Never drink brown liquor before five
Never pick the most expensive bottle of wine nor the least
Frozen drinks are only for vacation and only before 4
If you have to swap more than one ingredient, order something else
If you can't pronounce, try it. But always commit, never send it back
If you have to ask, you can't afford it
You don't get hangovers from certain drinks or from mixing types of alcohol. You get hangovers from drinking too much. Only a schmo blames booze for doing its job.
Vodka tonics are a waste, vodka soda is for diets.
Rum and coke is the soul of Spring Break. Being on Spring Break all the time ruins the magic of it.
Have a go-to drink. Make it simple and universally deliverable- if you make the bartender wait more than 10 seconds for your order, order the go-to (or say dealer's choice and accept whatever they give you).
Liquors all have a different soul. The "best" drink is the one that matches that soul to the current milieu.
Except for vodka, which has no soul.
Bourbon is for breakups
Tequila is for forgetting
Scotch is for remembering
Rum is for parties and having fun
Gin is for taking a moment
White Wine is for relaxing
Red Wine is for food (or exploring)
A great cocktail has at least 3, but not more than 5 ingredients.
Anything more and you are trying too hard (or making Sangria)
Anything less and you aren't trying hard enough
Cocktails are like fashion - the classics never go out of style.
Where possible, drink craft beer made locally - it is always better than Domestic
There is absolutely nothing wrong with Domestic
Beers are like politics - everyone has their own opinions and it is best not to argue them (with a beer nerd)
A true wine lover has no favorite wine. Anyone that says they have a favorite wine doesn't understand wine.
There are exceptions to all rules (Except rule Number One, for which there is no exception)